


The Mathematics of Cunnilingus

by Dira Sudis (dsudis)



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-10
Updated: 2009-12-10
Packaged: 2017-10-04 07:56:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsudis/pseuds/Dira%20Sudis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Do you even know anything about it? I mean, have you ever actually--" </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mathematics of Cunnilingus

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Lies, damned lies, statistics, and quantum physics if you're into that sort of thing.
> 
> If you found this page by searching the Internet for fanfiction about yourself or people you know personally, a) knock that off, man, it's bad for you, and b) you have only yourself to blame if you don't hit the back button _right now_.
> 
> Written for pearl_o's XKCD challenge, based on [#136, "Science Fair"](http://xkcd.com/136/). Beta thanks to Iulia Mentis!
> 
> This story was first posted January 13, 2008.

Gerard stared. Frank bounced, grinning.

"Do you even _know_ anything about it? I mean, have you ever actually--"

Frank's hands flew into the air. "Science project! That's the whole point! _Learning_ something!"

Gerard squinted, and he glanced around the lab. Everyone else was, like, flipping through their textbooks, pointing to topics. "Is there, um, really any science involved?"

Frank shrugged. "_Mathematics_, that totally sounds cooler. It's, like, probably geometry, and. I don't know. Physics or something, right? Frequency and pressure and--come on, Gerard, it's _cun_\--"

"I heard you the first time," Gerard hissed, glancing around to check where their teacher was. He'd gone almost two weeks now without a detention, and he really did not want one now, not even for the sake of Frank's I-have-a-brilliant-plan! smile. "How exactly do you plan on _learning_ anything about it in the next four weeks? You'd need a girlfriend. Or a different lab partner. Or a different lab partner who has a girlfriend."

Frank rolled his eyes, like Gerard was being the unreasonable one, and picked up the Science Fair handout. "It's not an _experimental_ project, Gee. It's _research_. The internet is full of data on this one, all we have to do is _analyze_ it. You have a computer, right?"

"I--uh--" Gerard's eyes actually crossed a little at the thought of Frank in his bedroom, on his computer, doing _research_. His voice was pathetically weak as he tried one last objection. "We're so not going to actually get into the Science Fair if we turn that in."

Frank shook his head, grinning, like Gerard wasn't even arguing with him. "We'll totally get banned, maybe even suspended. And every girl in school will know it's because we spent _weeks_ learning how to be scientifically _awesome_ at it. That is so much better than extra credit, come on."

Gerard hadn't actually been planning on getting extra credit. He'd been planning on... hanging out with Frank a lot for the next four weeks, messing around on some stupid science project which would totally suck and fail. He'd planned on not caring, because his new lab partner had this awesome smile, and also this weirdly fascinating laugh, and these brown-green eyes and hair that kept changing every week, and...

And also, apparently, a really profound interest in learning how to go down on girls.

Gerard glanced around the room, but... nope. There was still no one else he'd rather spend four weeks hanging out with after school, even if Frank was the straightest guy in the class and Gerard was the most pathetic.

"Yeah," Gerard muttered finally, looking down at his notebook. "But I can't work on it today, I have stuff to do."

"Cool," Frank said. "Oh, man, this is going to be so awesome, just wait. This is going to be _epic_."

* * *

In the first few months after the computer that belonged _totally equally to both of them_ took residence in Gerard's room, he and Mikey had had a couple of mutually completely traumatizing experiences with snooping in each other's files. They'd had one argument about it, in which they both shouted a lot and didn't make eye contact (Gerard still thought it was worse for him, thinking about Mikey _doing that_ in _his_ bedroom, but he guessed Mikey had a point about it being a freaky way to find out your brother is into guys).

Ever since then, neither of them looked at anything they hadn't downloaded themselves. Gerard figured Frank was the type to just click on shit without observing the rules, so he spent half an hour herding all his own stuff carefully into a totally anonymous subfolder of some random folder buried on the hard drive somewhere. Then he password-protected the whole thing, and then he changed the password to something harder to guess, and then he changed it again, just in case. Then he emailed Mikey a warning that he and Frank were going to be using the computer a lot for their Science Fair project for the next few weeks, and went down to the basement to draw a lot of zombies that didn't look like Frank at all.

* * *

Later that night, Gerard discovered that the folder wasn't where he thought it was, or any of the other places he thought it might be; then he realized he could no longer remember what password he had finally settled on. It was all _gone_.

He didn't even have the heart to start downloading more; Frank would be coming over after school tomorrow to start doing _research_.

* * *

Frank didn't ask if Gerard already had any on his computer--Gerard had prepared a lie about how he didn't keep any in case Mikey found it. He had a whole _list_ of porn sites he thought would be promising, and he grabbed the mouse and keyboard from Gerard and took over. Gerard sat back and watched; it was sort of fascinating, in a scientific way.

It got interesting in an unscientific way, too, the way Frank's eyes got wide at some of the pictures and videos, seeing the pink that crept across his cheeks and darkened the tips of his ears, the way he licked his lips or seemed to stop breathing. Gerard barely remembered to pretend to watch the computer himself, when there was Frank next to him to watch instead.

The stuff on the screen wasn't anything Gerard wanted to do, not with a girl--and especially not with a girl who looked like that, a hundred times more glossily perfect than even the queen of cheerleaders, scarily plastic--but it was still _sex_, still a lot of bare skin and moaning and wet noises. Gerard was seventeen. He couldn't stop thinking about stuff like that when he was sitting next to Frank in the science lab. Now it was pretty much all he could do to keep his hand on his pen and pretend to be, like, taking down observations.

Frank, and _research_. Gerard was going to be lucky if he survived long enough to be banned from the stupid science fair.

* * *

There was a lot of fast forwarding through a _lot_ of fucking. Gerard tilted his head and stared. Was that a good angle for _anybody_? Did anybody really want to stare at that for ten minutes straight?

Frank stopped at a likely-looking spot, then sighed and closed the video when it just turned into more fucking right away. He looked really disappointed, and Gerard found himself actually trying to figure out how to make Frank's stupid project work.

"Maybe we should try lesbians?" he asked tentatively.

Frank instantly straightened up, giving Gerard the kind of grin he would almost dissect a frog for (except he and Frank had agreed right at the beginning of the semester that they would totally fail before they'd cut up any animal; that was maybe where he had started falling for Frank, just a little bit).

"Dude, yeah! I should have thought of that." Frank turned back to the computer, typing rapidly. "Yeah, of course. Lesbians! That'll be so much more _efficient_."

* * *

The way none of them had hair down there was _seriously starting to freak him out_, but Gerard didn't say anything. It didn't seem to be bothering Frank.

* * *

Frank's mouth was hanging open a little as he stared at the screen. They'd been doing this for a week now, and Gerard had notebook pages full of tallies and observations and even a couple of diagrams. He'd given up completely on writing anything down for now, though, because he could see the tip of Frank's tongue moving a little, in time with the action on the screen.

Frank's head whipped around suddenly, and he totally caught Gerard looking at him, meeting his gaze at once. Gerard felt himself blush, and Frank was frowning as he said, "Okay, seriously."

"Um," Gerard said. If Frank was going to call him on the staring thing and kick his ass--wow, that was going to suck _so hard_.

Part of Gerard's brain still said, _ha ha, suck, hard, Frank_.

"Seriously," Frank repeated, glancing from the screen back to Gerard. "How much force do you think you can apply with your tongue? I mean, like, PSI."

Gerard blinked.

"I was thinking we could have a graph," Frank explained. "But we'll have to estimate values."

"Uh," Gerard repeated.

Frank rolled his eyes and reached over to close the video. "Gerard, pay attention. Here, like," and then he grabbed Gerard's hand, raised it up to mouth level, and pushed the tip of his tongue against Gerard's palm.

Gerard squeaked, and Frank dropped his hand and laughed. "What, are you ticklish? Here, do me, then."

The snickering voice in Gerard's brain said, _heh, Frank said "do me,"_ but the rest of Gerard's brain was busy with--_holy shit, Frank said, "do me."_

He swallowed. "Wouldn't it depend on, like, position--"

Frank raised his hand to Gerard's face, wiggling his fingers. "Come on, Way. Tongue out for science. How else are we going to learn anything?"

Gerard huffed a sigh, and his breath bounced back to him off Frank's skin. Frank's fingers twitched, but Frank's hand didn't back away. Gerard stuck his tongue out stiffly, pushing against Frank's palm as hard as he could. He could feel Frank pushing back into the touch, resisting a little. Gerard tried licking up and down in short, tight movements--God, he'd seen enough of that, lately. Frank didn't taste like anything, really, not even salt, just the burn of contact against the tip of Gerard's tongue.

Frank jerked his hand away abruptly, and Gerard realized that he had just been _licking his hand_. Frank scribbled something in his own notebook, not saying anything for a long, awkwardly silent moment while Gerard tried to think of a way to say _that was totally for science_ that didn't sound as fake as porn dialogue.

"I have to go," Frank finally said. "I'll, um, tomorrow. Bye."

"Bye," Gerard finally said, but his bedroom door was already slamming behind Frank.

* * *

"How do we even know what's _good_?"

They'd been sitting there watching porn in total silence--except for the moaning and screaming and crappy dialogue--for more than half an hour, and it was starting to get to Gerard.

"Um?" Frank dragged his eyes away from the screen, over to Gerard, and Gerard felt stupidly annoyed, like he hadn't _known_ that Frank wanted to stare at naked blonde chicks going down on each other.

"How do we know if it's actually _good_ or not? They're _actresses_."

Frank blinked and looked back at the screen. There was a lot of writhing and moaning going on, and Gerard shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He didn't even _like_ girls, but his dick was apparently getting confused by Frank, which was stupid, because it did not have any more chance with Frank than it did with the girls.

"I don't think they're very _good_ actresses," Frank said dubiously.

Gerard actually turned his head and looked straight at Frank for a few seconds, glaring. For someone who was supposed to _like_ girls, Frank was really not a much better feminist than he was a scientist, Gerard decided. If the science fair were more than two weeks away, he would totally look into getting a new partner.

Except then Frank bit his lip, glanced quickly sideways at Gerard and then back at the screen, where the moaning was escalating to screaming, and... Gerard sighed, picked up his notebook, and made a few more tallies.

* * *

After two hours of "data-gathering," with a week to go before the science fair, Frank declared their sample set complete. He closed the last video and turned off the computer monitor, and Gerard pressed the heels of his hands into his closed eyes and tried to stop seeing gyrating pink against the backs of his eyelids.

"Thank _God_," he muttered. "I never want to see that much pussy again _ever_."

Frank didn't say anything, and Gerard played that over again a couple of times in his head, louder and louder. The little snickering voice in the back of his head was saying _Wow, did you just say that? To Frank Iero?_

Frank still wasn't saying anything.

"Um," Gerard said, dropping his hands but not looking over at Frank. "I mean, obviously I want to, you know--"

"_Ha!_"

Gerard had to look over then, just in time to see Frank flinging himself toward him. Gerard threw his arms up automatically, and they just got tangled with Frank's arms as Frank tackled him, tipping the chair backward. It hit the bed halfway down, leaving Gerard at a forty-five degree angle with Frank Iero in his lap.

_Grinning_.

"I fucking _knew_ it," Frank announced, and then he ground his hips against Gerard's, and Gerard fucking knew it, too. It was pretty obvious, and he might be about to totally fail science, but Gerard wasn't stupid.

"What the fuck were you wait--"

But Frank wasn't waiting anymore; he tipped them both sideways out of the chair, and Gerard landed half on top of him on the floor, both of them tangled up with their legs bent in the tiny space between Gerard's bed and desk. Gerard tried for a kiss, and just managed to whack his cheekbone against Frank's forehead--Frank was moving nonstop, running his hands over Gerard's shirt, bucking his hips without ever quite making contact.

"Can I--Gee, can we--"

"Fuck, yeah." Three weeks of porn, three weeks of watching Frank watching porn; Gerard had been hard for what felt like that entire time, wanting exactly this.

It was pretty much exactly the opposite of porn; it was way faster, for one thing, and Gerard couldn't help thinking that no one would ever be able to get a good camera angle on any of what they were doing. Gerard could barely see himself, fighting Frank's school-uniform pants open and reaching into his (red-and-pink striped, in a Frank-does-his-own-laundry kind of way, not that Gerard had ever caught a glimpse of them in the locker room and spent a week trying to decide What It Meant) boxers.

Gerard let out a half-hysterical little laugh when he got his hand on Frank's dick--the only skin he could see, and there was _hair_ at the base, curly and sweaty. Frank went still for a second, and Gerard managed to gasp, "I am so fucking glad you're not a porn star, Frankie."

Frank giggled back, then, finally yanking Gerard's pants open and jamming his own hand inside.

"Whatever," Frank muttered. "Don't lie, you would buy all my videos."

Gerard tried to laugh and moan and answer and kiss Frank all at the same time, so he was mostly making this ridiculous choking noise through the whole, like, five seconds he lasted before coming all over Frank's fingers. Frank rolled further on top of him almost before he was finished, and Gerard tightened his grip, letting Frank thrust into his hand--_fuck_ his hand, Frank's dick in his hand, he was having _sex_ with _Frank_\--and then Frank came too, making stupid faces and even stupider noises.

Gerard really totally would buy all of Frank's videos.

They finally managed to kiss, after, lying on Gerard's floor, and it was sort of funny how awkward the kissing was when they'd already done the sex part.

"Sorry," Frank muttered, but he was grinning. "I know it wasn't supposed to be an experimental project."

"Whatever," Gerard muttered back, licking Frank's lower lip like he'd been wanting to do _all semester_. "Like fuck are we turning this in."

Frank giggled again. "Seriously, dude, did you think we were turning any of it in? The fuck."

* * *

They didn't get any extra credit, but they did actually pass science. It came as sort of a pleasant surprise, since they never got _any_ homework done at Gerard's house the rest of that year.


End file.
